The light in the kitchen was nice today.
It really hadn’t sunk in how much I resented losing my previous living situation until someone recently asked me why I wasn’t posting about food and why I wasn’t’ presenting any photography. I partly lied and said I wasn’t feeling creative and I was too busy looking for full time work.
The truth is I missed, and still do for that matter, my old apartment on Pierce St. The 14-foot west facing windows in the dining room had been my primary light source for several years. I developed my skills there and I was struggling in my new home to replicate them. Besides that, my kitchen was smaller, darker and less conducive to spur of the moment food photography.
When my friends and I agreed to move in here, there was an agreement that the garage would become my studio. That was delayed at first as we tried to merge two households into one and purge things we didn’t need any more. Storing our stuff became a creative process that took precedence over taking pictures.
Sure, I could have wandered around my new neighborhood and thrown myself into documenting that (and I still should), but losing the previous space had left me feeling really put out. I resented losing it and more so felt like there was no point in trying. I wasn’t clear exactly how angry I was until I found myself seething about it after a few innocent questions. Something was clearly wrong. As I found myself languishing in bed one day with no sense of creativity and a looming sense of failure, I realized that the only thing standing in my way of getting the studio going in the garage was me.
I went down that day and started moving things around. I realized that I had been sulking and mourning the loss of a good space and was letting that stop me. If I was going to be happy here at all, I needed to adapt and relearn and recreate There’s still more stuff to get rid of, or at least organize better. Yet after an hour of dealing with it head on, all of a sudden I could see space where a paper seamless back drop could go and I could see where I could use some natural light from the back door and I could see where I could get power for my lights.
Today I went down and did some quick and dirty self-portraits. Nothing ground breaking but it was exciting and invigorating to dig out all the equipment and make it work together and begin thinking about process again. I’m not where I was, but I may be on my way to somewhere new.